Compelling Accountability

I remember the last time I had weight loss success. My plan was very similar to the one I'm currently carrying out--based on hunger and fullness. I remember coworkers taking notice to my new eating habits and giving off some of those "Good luck with that" vibes that basically told me it wouldn't work. I learned something about myself at that point. Namely that I can be REALLY determined (translated: STUBBORN) when I want to be. I stuck with it and dropped a little over 40 lbs in about 3 months time. They were shocked. But then the vibe monster came back in the form of "yeah, but can she KEEP it off?" Determination stayed with me. I did, indeed, keep it off for over a year. That's when I realized the impact of accountability in my life. I only wish it had continued. Of course, if it had, I wouldn't be writing this right now. But I eventually fell into a very typical, very unhealthy pattern. I entered a much more stressful job (with a completely different set of coworkers) and started turning to food for comfort. The scale inched up in response. So I "discovered" exercise. I told myself I was doing it for health--b/c everything from heart disease to cancer to alzheimers runs in my family and I wanted to do EVERYTHING I could to prevent it. Sounded good, didn't it? I even thought so to the point I convinced myself. But a few days ago I realized the main reason I'd been doing it was to counterbalance my need for comfort through food. It was the only way I could eat what I wanted to and still fit in my clothes. Eventually life got busier with the arrival of baby #1 and I couldn't keep up the same level of exercise. That's when the waistline started expanding. I even started eating a lot healthier and lost some that way, but life got even busier with baby #2 and I suddenly didn't have time to make 95% of my meals health kick style. So it expanded again. 15 days and 12 lbs ago, I was the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I realized what I had to do, but wanted to make sure I had no way out but forward. So I deliberately told some family members, then my fellow skinny twit buddies, then 300+ ppl via FB. Why? Because when that voice started calling to me from the pantry--the same one I've listened to so faithfully for so long--I literally wanted to equate it with embarrassment. I wanted to think about the fact that I'll probably run into someone I know (who very well could have read that post) every few days, and that they'd be looking to see whether I'd meant it, or whether I was blowing smoke. That's been highly effective in keeping me on track. Just another reminder that I TRULY can't do this alone.