Today marks 2 months since I started this endeavor... Let me try that again... Today marks 2 months since I decided to get SERIOUS--and via a specific method. At the time, I didn't really know what it was called. After doing some research, I finally happened upon it: Intuitive Eating. (For more info, check out the following link: http://www.intuitiveeating.org/)
I start reading the book ("Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works" by Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD and Elyse Resch, MS, RD, FADA) and was shocked to see how much these two nutritionists had managed to read my mind--even my very subconscious! They have explained numerous mysteries as to why I've dieted, binged, started over multiple times, beat myself up, struggled endlessly, and essentially felt unable to trust myself with food. In fact, they've made me realize that I'm still operating according to the old rules sometimes b/c I don't fully trust my body to be able to drop the fat. Interestingly, even though I'm still not doing this correctly, I've managed to lose 28 lbs. Just think what I might be capable of if I manage to fully GET this!
Our bodies (and quite frankly, our minds) were NOT designed to follow regimented, measured menus. (Note: Yes! This is what the above-mentioned nutritionists assert! Which is why I LOVE them!) We were given hunger cues for a reason. We were given cravings for a reason. We were given taste buds for a reason. And NONE of them involve fat accumulation. I'm finally starting to believe this is really true!
Current areas of struggle:
I wish I was better at accurately detecting when I'm full. Quite frankly, 3 months ago I seemed to consistently go beyond it, whereas now I seem to consistently stop short--meaning I'm hungry again within an hour of a meal sometimes. But I hope to get better at it with each meal I eat.
I have a tendency to be legalistic about only eating when hungry. (Sometimes this is translated as ravenous.) If I think I've eaten an adequate amount during a given timeframe, it's sometimes hard for me to trust that my hunger pangs are necessary. But what I just learned via the above book is that our bodies can actually be making up for nutrients which were depleted days before--it doesn't necessarily always equate to the last few hours. Furthermore, eating a piece of bday cake when not technically hungry will NOT make the scale bump up 2 lbs the next day...or even the next! I'm just far my likely to "check in" with myself after a few bites to verify that I am, in fact, enjoying it. If not, why continue?
Then there's cravings. I don't worry near as much when I crave a kiwi as when I crave potato chips! Interestingly, however, I'm discovering that what they say about how much we eat of previously "forbidden foods" is drastically less when we stop thinking of them as forbidden. Consequently, I remind myself of my toddler--operating via reverse psychology far more often than I'd care to admit! Just tonight I actually got the potato chip craving and thoroughly enjoyed them. But here's the kicker...I ate TWO. Granted, I took multiple bites from each chip, savoring their flavor and texture. But when I got to the end of the 2nd one, I realized I didn't want anymore. What I GENUINELY wanted at that point was a banana. Is that not INSANE?!? (but in a totally good way!?!)
This is truly a journey--not a "lose weight quick" scheme. I'm having to learn things like patience in reaching my ideal weight, trust in my body's cues, and peace--with FOOD. I'm sure it will take a while for me to completely get this down, but I look foward to the day that I can realize I'm at least 90% there, and that as a result, I no longer stress about my waistline and all the ways the world around me can impact it. Food is not the enemy--I am. Rather, the voices I've let "guide" me all these years from the confines of my mind. No more! Freedom is in sight!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
All In The Mind
I'm amazed at some of the changes that have taken place mentally over the last few weeks. I'm eating much smaller portions than I was a couple months ago, but the portions "look" big to me. I'm constantly wondering if I wasn't paying close enough attention while eating--to the point that I might could have accidentally overeaten. Then I take a mental step back and examine what was on my plate (and how much of it I actually ate) through my "old" eyes and find I did just fine. So weird.
The other aspect is how much I'm enjoying food now. To give a hypothetical example, I absolutely LOVE a good cheeseburger. I used to get the urge for one, find myself salivating over it, excited when ordering and/or cooking it, and happy to sit down to start eating it. The actual amount of pleasure I felt from eating it usually varied (on a 100 point scale) from 60-80%. Well of course, I'm after a 100, so I'd eat the entire cheeseburger, followed by a bunch of fries, followed by a coke (sometimes 2), followed by a dessert (sometimes 2 *gulp*). At the end of all that, my sense of "happiness" or pleasure might fall somewhere around a 90, meaning I might continue to snack after the meal because of how much I inherently still desired that 100. But often I'd notice it dropping back into the 80s or even the 70s--now out of guilt because I knew I'd overeaten and would pay for it over the next day or two.
Amazingly, almost every meal now lands me somewhere in the upper 90s. And there are times that I find it inching closer and closer to 100 because I know I'm still moving foward and haven't eaten in such a way that I'll regret it later. What this ironically means is that eating LESS of this thing which has the capacity to bring me pleasure is actually giving me MORE pleasure than if I'd eaten more of it. I couldn't figure this out for the life of me--until I watched an episode of The Biggest Loser the other nite. They were showing where the brain's pleasure center is located, as well as its size in relation to food. People who have weight problems tend to have a larger pleasure center in connection to food--meaning they WANT the food more than thin people who have smaller food pleasure centers. But when the overweight person eats something, they actually get LESS pleasure out of the food than does that thin person. The result? The overweight person feels the need to eat more of the food so as to gain the dopamine release, whereas the thin person can eat much less of the same food and actually experience MORE pleasure than the overweight person. How bizarre is this? Furthermore, is it actually possible that my dopamine levels are adjusting as though my food pleasure center is smaller? I'm honestly not sure how all this works, but I know that part of my interaction with food has changed drastically, so I'm trying to figure it out. I've always felt like my brain was working against me in regard to weight loss...but for the 1st time, I actually feel like it's on my side.
The other aspect is how much I'm enjoying food now. To give a hypothetical example, I absolutely LOVE a good cheeseburger. I used to get the urge for one, find myself salivating over it, excited when ordering and/or cooking it, and happy to sit down to start eating it. The actual amount of pleasure I felt from eating it usually varied (on a 100 point scale) from 60-80%. Well of course, I'm after a 100, so I'd eat the entire cheeseburger, followed by a bunch of fries, followed by a coke (sometimes 2), followed by a dessert (sometimes 2 *gulp*). At the end of all that, my sense of "happiness" or pleasure might fall somewhere around a 90, meaning I might continue to snack after the meal because of how much I inherently still desired that 100. But often I'd notice it dropping back into the 80s or even the 70s--now out of guilt because I knew I'd overeaten and would pay for it over the next day or two.
Amazingly, almost every meal now lands me somewhere in the upper 90s. And there are times that I find it inching closer and closer to 100 because I know I'm still moving foward and haven't eaten in such a way that I'll regret it later. What this ironically means is that eating LESS of this thing which has the capacity to bring me pleasure is actually giving me MORE pleasure than if I'd eaten more of it. I couldn't figure this out for the life of me--until I watched an episode of The Biggest Loser the other nite. They were showing where the brain's pleasure center is located, as well as its size in relation to food. People who have weight problems tend to have a larger pleasure center in connection to food--meaning they WANT the food more than thin people who have smaller food pleasure centers. But when the overweight person eats something, they actually get LESS pleasure out of the food than does that thin person. The result? The overweight person feels the need to eat more of the food so as to gain the dopamine release, whereas the thin person can eat much less of the same food and actually experience MORE pleasure than the overweight person. How bizarre is this? Furthermore, is it actually possible that my dopamine levels are adjusting as though my food pleasure center is smaller? I'm honestly not sure how all this works, but I know that part of my interaction with food has changed drastically, so I'm trying to figure it out. I've always felt like my brain was working against me in regard to weight loss...but for the 1st time, I actually feel like it's on my side.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The Stress Test
About a week ago, one of THOSE events happened...you know, those highly stressful moments in life that make you take a big gulp because you know you're about to have to face something huge. The kind of thing you hear people go through and think "Ugh. Poor thing. Hate they're having to go through that." We all have them happen in life (and pray hard we don't encounter more than one at once). For blogging's sake, the details of this life event are irrelevant; the reason I even mention it is because such events are often what sent me over the edge when it came to emotional eating. Sure, I used to eat for emotional reasons pretty much every day, but on these days, I downright binged. No nice way to say it. I've been doing this for about 7 weeks now and had managed to avoid such days until recently. So I find myself facing this OVERWHELMING urge to bury myself in some comfort food. I'd firmly answer myself with a "NO--I'VE WORKED TOO HARD!" only to find the urge returning 20-30 min later. Finally, genuine hunger arrived and I ate something content in the knowledge that 1) I hadn't thrown myself off track and 2) I'd managed to face down the enemy even in the midst of a significant stressor. The more I think about it, I'm happier about that victory than I am to see the scale go down. Why? Because it tells me I've got a real, live chance at ensuring that scale stays where it's supposed to be. If I can consciously turn to God in those times (rather than the choco chips), I feel all the more confident that I won't have to continue fighting the battle of the bulge. I can't control everything that happens to me, but I CAN at least make an effort to control my reaction. And then my body has no choice but to directly REFLECT those actions. I've got a ways to grow in terms of faith, but I think God just helped me take a baby step I won't soon forget!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Perspective
Keep taking pictures!!! Even when you don’t like the way you look, or your size, etc.
This picture was taken in July 2009. I was no where near my goal weight, and honestly only about 10 lbs (15 MAX) away from my weight right now. And when I looked at this picture I cringed. However, today, 2.5 years later, I don’t see the same thing. I see a precious little boy who had just had a week long blast of a vacation at the beach and honestly I don’t think I look too bad. I also see a very happy version of me. And look at that nice tan??? And dare I say I actually think I look half way decent? So, my point is that I no longer cringe at this photo.
Have I lowered my standards? I don’t think so. I think I have realized that it isn’t about a size or number on the scale that makes you beautiful. Yes, I still want to be healthy and I’m still making that a personal goal, but I’m not going to stop taking pictures because I don’t like what I see. Because – I should like what I see even when I don’t. And if I’m too ignorant to see it at the time (like i was back in 2009), I might just have better perspective the next time I look at the picture!
This is what my picture looked like this year – same beach, same week, 2011:
Ok, not going to lie – I still cringe at this picture. But I'm working to be 50 lbs down by the time I go back next July (15 down, 35 to go). And I will be taking another picture!!!! I bet in a few years when I see this picture, I’m not going to notice the huge arm or neck rolls, I’m hoping I’m going to notice the newborn (chunky) baby and how pretty my hair looked and how happy I looked in this picture. I will probably remember all the sleepless nights and be thankful that THAT phase of mommy hood is over.
And I’m praying that with God’s help and some dedication that when I go back this July, in approximately 249 days, that I will LOVE the picture that I take.
So my point is, don’t stop living life while your trying to get to where you want to be! Enjoy it now. Take the pictures. And set your eyes on the goal where you want to be!!! Then take baby steps to get there!
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