For The Long Haul

Ok, so, I think I’m realizing that it might take a while to get to the weight I want to be. 

Yes, I have had some great weeks (overall my average is still pretty good, 15 lbs in approximately 10 weeks), however, i have also had some not-so-great weeks.  And what stinks is that my not-so-great weeks, well, they are no different food-wise from my good weeks.  And it is during the “I’m doing great but I’m not seeing the results” weeks that I’m going to have to dig deep to continue on and trust God to reward me for my efforts. 

One thing that is going to continue to plague me, is my migraines, and the fact that during a bad migraine week I’m not going to lose weight.  I’m just going to have to accept that and keep on going.  I think that is one of the big downfalls I’ve had over the last year with my attempts at losing this baby weight.  Because it is very easy to stop and give up when you stop seeing results.  And I did.  But not anymore!

In the last 10 weeks or so, I have had 3 separate weeks where I have had 3-5 day migraines.  During those weeks I did not lose weight.  I actually gained back 3-5 of the lbs that I worked so hard to lose and then had to lose it again.  And that is HARD.

However, I didn’t give up this time.  And I realized that within a week, my body typically regulates back out and the weight gain is gone and I start losing again.  Giving up all those times before during the hard weeks put me that much farther behind.  I’ve decided I’m going to try my very best to not give up this time. 

My migraines take so much out of me anyway.  I miss so much of life because I’m in pain, laying in a dark, quiet room.  But I'm not going to let my migraines take the joy of being at the weight I need/want to be.  So, once again, I have made it through another road block that has been an obstacle in the past.  I hope I can continue through all these detours life keeps throwing at me – and meet my goal weight before too long.  :)

So – this week I might not have seen any weight loss break through, nor did I earn another bead.  But I did earn something.  The determination to keep going throughout my health issues (migraines for me, they could be something else for you) and to keep GOING.

A Product of Our Environment?

I went out to eat the other day and was OVERJOYED to discover another place which will allow adults to order off the kids' menu. But here's the amazing thing...I ate less than half of it & was satisfied. Why was this amazing? B/c I was far from hungry afterwards. They brought me enough food that I could have very well shared with someone else! Didn't seem quite right. Afterall, this is a "kid's serving." Shouldn't it be a severely light meal by adult standards? Then I had a series of thoughts hit... There are several developed countries on this planet whose populations are, for the most part, of a healthy weight. Interestingly, their diets consist of a lot of no-no carbs like rice and noodles. So how is it that they manage to stay lean? Meanwhile, half of the U.S. is overweight. This would mean half isn't--half of every age, height, race, and gender. And I would venture to guess that very few of them are blessed with the metabolism of superman, or that they survive on little else but salad and tofu. In fact, I see them eat real food every day--just not in huge amounts. There's a definite connection to these 2 groups (other countries who do not have weight issues and the half of our nation which does not)--they eat the amount of food the body calls for. Not the amount that sounds good, not the amount which a restaurant dictates is a "serving", not the amount which is socially acceptable--but the amount their body is asking for. I truly think this is why 50% of our country is struggling. We are products of our environment--one that builds food into every special occasion and doles it out in huge servings which eventually become "normal" to the human mind. So why is it that some of us fall on this side of that 50% and others fall on the "blessed" side? Who knows? Maybe we're wired to have more of a weakness when it comes to food whereas some of the skinny folk struggle with a completely different nemesis--alcohol, tobacco, compulsive shopping, etc. The point is I'm realizing that I'm going to have to consciously go against my environment (i.e. adult-size restaurant portions or how much potato salad Great Aunt Gertrude THINKS I should eat since she made it herself...from SCRATCH!) if I'm going to become and (more importantly) stay--thin. I can't help that this means food will get wasted. Much as I'd love to order half of a small fry, just don't see it as possible in the near future. So it's up to me to pay more attention to my body and to God's prompting than to what my environment tries to dictate. Am I a product of my environment? Undoubtedly yes. But I don't have to stay that way--and I don't intend to.

Mickey Mouse or Thomas the Train???

Odd Title Huh?  Maybe a picture will help…

*photo credit: Amazon.com

I have downgraded myself to my son’s toddler plates.  We have a handful that look like this, and a few that are just plain color squares, but the point is that they are much smaller than my dinner plates.  So I can fill them up, eat until I’m full, and still feel like I had a plate full of food.  They are also smaller and easier to wash.  Oh, AND my son gets a kick out of me eating on plates like his as well. 

I have actually been thinking of going by Target or maybe even Goodwill to find some pretty plates just for me in the smaller sizes.  I read somewhere if you drank water out of a fancier glass you enjoyed it more.  Well, if I get me my own small PRETTY plates, I’ll enjoy eating on them even more – maybe??? We will see.

But honestly, I kinda like the Mickey Mouse plates.  Shhh.  Don’t tell.  It can be our secret.

A Charming Idea

So when you're on a mission to become a skinny twit, you're always looking for sources of motivation--a moving scale, looser pants, a co-worker noticing your progress, etc. Just fuels the desire to keep truckin'. And since I know Nat well enough to know she's not gonna toot her own horn, I'm going to do it for her. She came up with this INCREDIBLE idea... She suggested we all buy charm bracelets, and add a new charm/bead for every 5 lbs we drop. So I did. I am LOVING it--not just b/c it's pretty, but b/c it constantly reminds me of what I've achieved, lifting my spirits. Furthermore, as she pointed out, it helps with accountability b/c if you see it while you're eating, you're a lot less likely to overeat. I've shared this with several other aspiring dieters, who are all considering getting a bracelet as well. So many aspects of weight loss deal with finding what works for you--or in this case, what MOTIVATES! =o)

No Magic Pill

These last two weeks have rough for me.  No major losses (or gains), a 4 day migraine, and long stressful days at work.  I guess I’m writing this to make a point to say that I haven’t given up.  I’m still trying.  I have had a few times I’ve noticed my emotional eating and stress eating resurface, but I’m trying hard to realize when I’m doing it and praying through it.  I had this food thing conquered for a whole 2-3 weeks before food temptations and life came back in and started trying to take over again.  I can tell that this is going to be a daily battle.  Just because I think I have it under control for a while, and then BAM, I find myself slipping again.  But I now KNOW I can do this, so I’m constantly trying to keep myself focused and re-motivated.  And so far it is working.  We can do this ladies. 

Knowing that I will still slip – well that is our human nature, but knowing the freedom that I have and have had this month from food addictions has been so liberating that I hope to cling to that to continue to pick myself right back up and continue.  Knowing that I can continue to do this is key. 

Surprisingly Enjoyable?

I continue to be amazed by the many positive aspects of eating according to hunger and fullness. Yes, of course, the weight loss is one of the biggest benefits. But b/c there are no foods "off the table" (pardon the pun), suddenly I'm able to enjoy eating fast food--no reason to feel guilty, no dread that it will throw me off the next day. I'm able to enjoy healthy food b/c I'm not eating it out of obligation, but rather, b/c grapes or a salad or a spicy grilled chicken breast really, genuinely sound good right then! Then there's exercise...this part truly has me shaking my head. When it was something I "had" to do, I dreaded it and couldn't hardly enjoy it b/c I was working SO HARD to get to some certain time or calorie mark. Now that I don't "have" to anymore, I'm actually doing it MORE! And looking forward to it! And ENJOYING it! This is just the epitome of irony for me. And a GREAT source of motivation to continue!

Compelling Accountability

I remember the last time I had weight loss success. My plan was very similar to the one I'm currently carrying out--based on hunger and fullness. I remember coworkers taking notice to my new eating habits and giving off some of those "Good luck with that" vibes that basically told me it wouldn't work. I learned something about myself at that point. Namely that I can be REALLY determined (translated: STUBBORN) when I want to be. I stuck with it and dropped a little over 40 lbs in about 3 months time. They were shocked. But then the vibe monster came back in the form of "yeah, but can she KEEP it off?" Determination stayed with me. I did, indeed, keep it off for over a year. That's when I realized the impact of accountability in my life. I only wish it had continued. Of course, if it had, I wouldn't be writing this right now. But I eventually fell into a very typical, very unhealthy pattern. I entered a much more stressful job (with a completely different set of coworkers) and started turning to food for comfort. The scale inched up in response. So I "discovered" exercise. I told myself I was doing it for health--b/c everything from heart disease to cancer to alzheimers runs in my family and I wanted to do EVERYTHING I could to prevent it. Sounded good, didn't it? I even thought so to the point I convinced myself. But a few days ago I realized the main reason I'd been doing it was to counterbalance my need for comfort through food. It was the only way I could eat what I wanted to and still fit in my clothes. Eventually life got busier with the arrival of baby #1 and I couldn't keep up the same level of exercise. That's when the waistline started expanding. I even started eating a lot healthier and lost some that way, but life got even busier with baby #2 and I suddenly didn't have time to make 95% of my meals health kick style. So it expanded again. 15 days and 12 lbs ago, I was the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I realized what I had to do, but wanted to make sure I had no way out but forward. So I deliberately told some family members, then my fellow skinny twit buddies, then 300+ ppl via FB. Why? Because when that voice started calling to me from the pantry--the same one I've listened to so faithfully for so long--I literally wanted to equate it with embarrassment. I wanted to think about the fact that I'll probably run into someone I know (who very well could have read that post) every few days, and that they'd be looking to see whether I'd meant it, or whether I was blowing smoke. That's been highly effective in keeping me on track. Just another reminder that I TRULY can't do this alone.